OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
