If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
