Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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