Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
