Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
