the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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