Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize