i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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