So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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