I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
