even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
