I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
