my sisters under your porch take her home
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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