I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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