corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
