i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
