im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
