i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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