does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
