the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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