i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
