no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
