I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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