Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
