My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
