He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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