I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
