We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
