Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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