This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
