Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
