we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
