My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
