I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
