i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
