I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
