you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
is that a dick in a sweater?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
