My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
