So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
