At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
