Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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