I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Dear god my vagina.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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