Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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