did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
