ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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