so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
