We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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