Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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