Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Randomize
