i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
