$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
