My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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