He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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