You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Randomize
