And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
