Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
