also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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