i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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