smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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