So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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