well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
