how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
