also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
