Soap is not a condiment
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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