That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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