he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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