There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
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Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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