someone threw a dead crab at me
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
