Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
