Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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